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ADHD, Menopause and Me

ADHD, Menopause and Me

  • Home
  • About Me
  • Neurodiversity
  • Menopause
  • Motherhood
  • Things I love
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loneliness and mental health

Loneliness – You can feel lonely in a crowd full of people…

8th May 2022

“One thing I’ve learned is the difference between feeling alone and feeling lonely…”

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Coping with ADHD - Mother holding hand of her daughter.

If I’m being honest…

1st May 2022

Here’s to always being honest. Here’s to learning and never stopping.

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ADHD Coping Strategies

ADHD Coping Strategies

28th April 2022

5 ways to help your child develop ADHD Coping Strategies for school, University, and on into the workplace.

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In all honesty, as much as this is a bit of a laug In all honesty, as much as this is a bit of a laugh, us ADHDers do tend to have an all-or-nothing attitude to things. And this is down to a few things… Hi, I’m Fay, a 51-year-old perimenopausal AuDHD mum of 3, who has been on this rollercoaster journey for nearly a decade now! So here’s why we struggle with moderation so much… ◽️ Dopamine and motivation ADHD brains are wired around interest, urgency and reward, not steady, incremental effort. So alcohol (with its dopamine spiking) can feel intensely rewarding fast! We seek the reward, whether it’s helpful or not 🫣🫣 ◽️ Poor interoceptive awareness Moderation requires noticing subtle internal signals. “I’m starting to feel it, maybe I’ll stop here.” I could never understand why others around knew when to ‘stop’, and I didn’t. Interoception is already less reliable in our brains; those early “enough” signals can get missed entirely, we jump straight from “fine” to “too much” with no perceived in-between. ◽️ Impulsivity overriding intention You can genuinely intend to have one drink, and mean it. But impulse control in the moment is exactly where ADHD brains struggle the most. The gap between “I planned to stop at one” and “one more won’t hurt” is an executive function gap, not a broken intention. ◽️ Self-medication for regulation Alcohol is a quick and effective way to quiet an overactive or dysregulated nervous system (short-term). Being Scottish and in a generation who partied hard, alcohol played a big part in my life. We use it to drown out RSD, social anxiety, sensory overwhelm, or racing thoughts all at once. When something works that well at symptom relief, “just have one” can feel almost pointless. ◽️ Habit formation is binary, not graduated The same way our brains can fail at a routine when we miss just one day, ADHD brains aren’t great at partial/moderate habits. It’s easier to be a strict non-drinker (clear rule, no decision-making required) than a moderate drinker (requires ongoing in-the-moment judgment calls, which is the hardest terrain for ADHD). I never struggled with not drinking during pregnancy, and I q
One of the most common perimenopause symptoms is f One of the most common perimenopause symptoms is frequently diagnosed as depression. Low mood. Flatness. Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy. Feeling like you’ve lost yourself somewhere. These are real symptoms. They’re also symptoms that, in perimenopausal women, are frequently caused by hormonal changes, not a depressive disorder! The distinction matters because the treatment is different, and GPs are still not listening. Antidepressants may help some women. But for others, what actually helps is addressing the hormonal picture. If you’ve been given antidepressants and they haven’t worked, or if your low mood arrived alongside other symptoms; joint pain, brain fog, disturbed sleep, changes to your cycle, it’s worth asking specifically about perimenopause. And if you’re neurodivergent, this is even more layered. ND women are already more likely to experience anxiety and low mood, start perimenopause earlier and experience symptoms much stronger. Perimenopause adds another hormonal dimension. Getting the right support means understanding which piece is which. You deserve a proper answer, not just a prescription. Save this and take it to your next appointment if you need to.
Throughout my life, I’ve been to quite a few dif Throughout my life, I’ve been to quite a few different therapies, all built around my feelings and struggles at the time, but none of them put together the dots that I was a neurodivergent woman, masking highly. I came away from therapy being told that I had made excellent progress in the time I was there, and never required any ‘extra’ sessions. CBT assumes you can catch a thought, challenge it, and do the homework between sessions. EMDR assumes you can hold a memory in mind while tracking sensations in your body. Sex therapy assumes a fairly standard script for how desire and boundaries get communicated. All of it assumes a baseline — and if you’re ADHD and/or Autistic, that baseline was never you. #TW Suicide/PTSD/PND Sex Therapy Seems a silly one for my age, really doesn’t it? It was even about sex per se. I had gone to the doctor as I was really struggling mentally; I realised my first marriage wasn’t working, and the relationship itself wasn’t healthy (take from that the obvious). Of course this became a me issue. I was diagnosed with depression, immediately put on antidepressants and sent to a sex therapist. Much of the conversation focused on my understanding of communication style and consent, etc. It quickly became obvious that I was something to be fixed (it was 30 years ago) and that I was misinterpreting signs. Whereas I knew in my gut things weren’t right, but I needed to play along, therapy-wise, to get signed off. #TW Suicide/PTSD/PND Cognitive Behavioural Therapy After the birth of my eldest two boys, only 14 months apart, I was diagnosed with severe PND. After an attempt on my life, I was sent for CBT. CBT works by challenging thinking patterns assumed to be irrational. However, I soon realised that my thoughts were, in fact, perfectly rational for me (rule-following, black-and-white thinking, a focus on fairness), so this wasn’t going to work. I also just didn’t have the capacity for anything that required executive function (homework, consistent follow-through, etc.), even if I had felt it was working. #TW Suicide/PTSD/PND Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing The premise of EMDR is holding a memory in mind while simul
As an AuDHD perimenopausal SEN parent, then I’m As an AuDHD perimenopausal SEN parent, then I’m not sure why I thought a house renovation (and we are talking full project, not just a little remodelling) was a good idea! Back when my youngest was still in my tummy then we decided to build our own home. I guess I thought nothing could be harder. How wrong I was, especially as we now know we are a neurodiverse household and I’m in the full throws of perimenopause! I’m struggling with the disorder, the mess, the boxes to unpack, I need order to help regulate myself, but I also struggle with the motivation of doing the mundane and boring (unpacking and constant cleaning) when there are mood boards to be created and online shopping to do! Perimenopause means I can no longer focus or multitask like I used to, and forget whether I’ve ordered something or not. I have to keep meticulous spreadsheets for each room, that after a while get forgotten about and not updated 🫣🫣🫣 I’m struggle to relinquish control to my husband (he is project managing) and the builders (disorganised chaos at best) and am trying to remain calm incase I throw the nearest paintbrush at one or all of them. For me, I still feel out of control and that’s not something I like. We are in that part where nothing much happens for a few weeks on end as things have gone on longer than expected and other jobs get in the way. I’m struggling to re-motivate myself, never mind everyone else. So if you fancy some emotional and literal chaos, with a bit of design thrown in here or there, give me a follow. Welcome along for the ride!
As and organised (autistic) and impatient (ADHD) p As and organised (autistic) and impatient (ADHD) perimenopausal woman then having not had any builders for over two weeks again is becoming beyond frustrating! I’m so over the ‘nothing for weeks’ followed by a house full of workmen and me having to make rush decisions/purchases to accommodate. The project management on this build is absolutely non existent and I’m trying really hard not to lose the plot. The rage is real… For reasons I cannot say, then I just have to go with it, it cannot be changed. So I’m working really hard on calming myself and trying not to thrown the nearest paintbrush or scraper at someone’s head! Anyone else had a similar point in any renovation work they’ve done?!
How many weeks left?! Don’t even have a holiday How many weeks left?! Don’t even have a holiday this year to ‘break it up’. Mind you last years was a disaster so 🤷‍♀️ How’s your holidays going? We do seem to have finally fallen into a bit of routine and settled into a way of things which work for us all. We haven’t had any workmen here again this week which is nice as it’s quiet, but nothing much has changed so also very frustrating. Anyway, we’ll see what next week brings 🤪 And if you got this far, you may have noticed yesterday’s post which was and #AD and i’d really appreciate some love if you had a mo. I do only share stuff I use and love!

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